RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
