isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
