so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
