i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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