guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
