Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's blow job season.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
