and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
