Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
