you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
