i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
