..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
