Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
