how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
