remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
