This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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