Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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