you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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