pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
