bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
