Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think brook has ever known best
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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