I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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