She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
