Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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