I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
