the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
