We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
