I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
