Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
