I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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