i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize