i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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