Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Iām making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
