Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize