she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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