i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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