I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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