Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
