I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
