Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am available for nakedness
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
