oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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