I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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