Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
