Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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