I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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