Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
