You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
