Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
