Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am mentally ready for anal.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
