i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
