yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
time to smoke my breakfast
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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