You made me cry and you don't even care
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
