i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
