Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
