Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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